2月 渋谷スカイ
Published:
昼 1200～ 渋谷スカイ 
Blog posts
2022
2021
Oct 3 Tokyo Sky Tree
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Tokyo Sky Tree Oct 3 1700~ 
Forgiveness?
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Hatred
3 points to work on, high school/politics/prof.
1/3 - the 9 years of my 27 years
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1/3
It just dawn on me that a third of my life, I have been living abroad away from home. It is a big milestone for me as I left Malaysia in hopes of pursuing a better future. Not being a Malay, not being Muslim, This has constantly being a source of frustration for me as I see opportunities slips away from me just because of my skin color. As a Malaysian Chinese, I was constantly made to felt as a 2nd class citizen. Day to day this is not obvious but policies in education and national level, it is to make me not to feel Malaysian. The lies and promises by politicians just make me puke. A change of mindset is needed for Malaysia from up to bottom where people need to understand that skin color is not an entitlement to discounts and entry tickets to university. After A levels, going to UK to study was a chance given to me to change this reality. A change to prove myself and show that I can do better than those entitled bastards that are given silver spoon by those stupid policy. I made an Oath to myself that I will work abroad and not to return to Malaysia.
2019
The end of an chapter, Suicidal, Depression, Giving up, New Future
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The path to realising one’s childhood dream
This decade weights heavily on my heart. I still remember vividly when I wrote my ambition of becoming a scientist in primary school. I was always fascinated those while lab coat scientist that you saw typically on TV shows. I used to dismantle toys to see the inner workings of it. It was this curiosity of desiring to understand how things works that drives me and subsequently lead me to this path of doing research in graduate school.
A Question to professors and associate professors who screwed the future plan of students, why are you doing this?
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I want to know why some supervisors who are just out there screwing up people? It is because these students may one day be your “rivals” for grants? Is is because you experienced terrible supervision during your Ph.D. that you think you ought to do the same to your own student? Is it because students are just dumb that is is not worth spending your time on them? Then why do you even bother to agree to supervisor them in the first place? Is there a reason of withholding the defence of students? Are students just really there to follow your instructions and order without questioning it? Why do even University administration defend and protect these people because they are tenured?
How i wish they have the same sentiment
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I have to say I feel like a proud mom to see two of my former PhD students featured as leading women in #AI combating bias @orussakovsky @timnitGebru :) https://t.co/QVV5Z1g0Xz
— Fei-Fei Li (@drfeifei) November 21, 2019
My personal experience of a panic attack
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In November 2018, It was probably the first time in my life that I am consciously aware I suffered an episode of panic attack. This was not just simple self diagnostic that I search through the internet, although initially I did search up for symptoms about it but later I did had a confirmation of it when I had a consultation sessions with the university counselling service.
2018
PhD student and Supervisor - (Erratum)To Professors, Is shaming student in front of other people a fetish of yours?/ my thoughts on my future”
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This blog series is of my personal opinions and experiences in grad school. My personal bad experience may not necessarily reflect the situations in most academia settings but I hope this will shed some light to people about the good and bad of academia. This is my way to vent some of my frustration in this top-down hierarchical environment of the lab I am in.
PhD student and Supervisor - To Professors, Is shaming student in front of other people a fetish of yours?”
Published:
This blog series is of my personal opinions and experiences in grad school. My personal bad experience may not necessarily reflect the situations in most academia settings but I hope this will shed some light to people about the good and bad of academia. This is my way to vent some of my frustration in this top-down hierarchical environment of the lab I am in.
Autumn Foilage - one week shift at Kamioka Observatory
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Photo taken during one week shift at Kamioka Observatory in Early November 2018. It was peak autumn foliage here in Kamioka during my shift.
Views of the surrounding area during my early morning walk for shift. 
PhD student and Supervisor - Alone
Published:
This blog series is of my personal opinions and experiences in grad school. My personal bad experience may not necessarily reflect the situations in most academia settings but I hope this will shed some light to people about the good and bad of academia. This is my way to vent some of my frustration in this top-down hierarchical environment of the lab I am in.
PhD student and Supervisor - Falling into a “trap”
Published:
This blog series is of my personal opinions and experiences in grad school. My personal bad experience may not necessarily reflect the situations in most academia settings but I hope this will shed some light to people about the good and bad of academia. This is my way to vent some of my frustration in this top-down hierarchical environment of the lab I am in.
PhD student and Supervisor - grit to presevere in helplessness situation alone
Published:
This Blog series is of my personal opinions and experiences in grad school. My personal bad experience may not necessarily reflect the situations in most academia settings but I hope this will shed some light to people about the good and bad of academia. This is my way to vent some of my frustration in this top-down hierarchical environment of the lab I am in.